Naturally, the need that is most pressing for anyone is the need that it not met. In a great majority of the cases, that unfulfilled need is the need for significance. The needs to feel important, that we matter, that we are somebody. People will go to any length to fill that need. And, if we can help people to fulfill that need, not only will it make us feel good, it can also create very strong bonds of friendship and goodwill.

Now, before another word is said about how we can benefit by helping someone else to fulfill a need it must be clearly stated that what we are talking about here is character ethic and not shallow manipulations. If the focus and intent of our actions is to sincerely contribute by helping someone to fulfill a need, we are on the path of a win/win situation.

On the other hand, if we are simply trying to manipulate someone by using clever tactics, sooner or later, the lack of sincerity will shine through and the whole thing will be exposed and fall apart. There is no substitute for integrity and nothing can replace sincerity.

The very best way that we can help someone fulfill the need for significance is though appreciation. Honest and sincere appreciation will always touch a person’s heart. Sometimes a simple “thank you” or “congratulation for a job well done” will be enough to light a person’s whole day.

There is nothing as needed and wanted as recognition. That is especially true with people who are near and dear to us. Because we are polite, we are quick to thank strangers. But what about the people that we spend most of our time with? Usually they are taken for granted. Why should that be?

As the proverb says, “As you sow so shall you reap.” That is also true with appreciation and recognition. We get what we give – most of the time. Some people may feel uneasy about giving some appreciation. Those are the ones who need it the most.

Now, if we, ourselves, want to be appreciated, that can best be done by being interested rather than by being interesting. In other words, it is the attention that we give to other and not the attention that we attract to ourselves that will be truly appreciated.

Deep down, every one has this need to feel important. That is a genetic need that was implanted in the core of man’s makeup in prehistoric times when belonging to the clan meant survival. That impulse is still with us and it is still as strong as ever.

A child will go to incredible length to attract attention and get that feeling of significance. Some children will even go as far as hurting themselves to get it. Sadly, some adults have never evolved from that stage. A mature individual still needs to fulfill the need for significance however will not seek it through self-destructive means.

Success in life depends very much on our capacity to bond with people. It is by bonding with people that we get acceptance and cooperation. That bonding can best be done by being genuinely interested in others and one of the best ways to do that is by being appreciative. Sometimes a smile or a simple nod will do it. A small price to pay for all the satisfaction that it brings.

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The best way to grow is by translating our thoughts into written the words. We tend to think in wordless notions, abstract concepts and images. Most of our thoughts are vague and ephemeral. If a conscious effort is not made to put some order in our thinking pattern, little will change in terms of personal wisdom and self-growth.

The written word, on the other hand, brings clarity to fuzzy notions. It gives specific form to abstract feelings and makes it possible to parse and analyze otherwise obscure mental concepts.

Learning provides us with more information however, to be truly effective, that information has to be parsed by going through the reasoning process. We need to actively verify if the information received is valid or not, what it means for us and how we can apply it constructively.

That parsing and reasoning process can best be done when working with something tangible such as the written word. Writing something down makes it possible to have a pro-active interchange with those words. It is the next best thing to an actual dialogue with someone else. By being able to see those written word, we can actually converse with them.

Thoughts are fleeting. The written word is not. We’ve all had the regrettable experience of thinking of something fantastic that could have been a huge breakthrough for us and then completely forgetting what it was. It can prove to be most frustrating since it is something that could have been preserved if we had taken the time to jot it down.

Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and all the great thinkers of the world were also famous and prolific writers. They would constantly put their thoughts and reflections down in the written form. They understood and appreciated the value of the written word.

There are various ways that the written word can be used as a personal-growth tool. It can be done in the form of journaling, through personal diary, by keeping a daily log of thoughts and ideas or simply through random writing in notebooks or in Personal Digital Application gadgets.

High-powered executives are notorious for carrying some form of small digital voice recorders with them all the time. No matter where, no matter when, if an interesting idea or thought comes up, it can be recorded right away to later be transferred in the written forms. That way, nothing is lost or forgotten.

Breakthroughs, great thoughts and ideas are not restricted to the time that a person is awake. Many times they will strike during the middle of the night and wake the person up. Care should be taken to register those flashes of insight right way; otherwise, chances are very high that by morning, they will be forgotten forever.

Anything new that we learn has to be integrated in our overall personal philosophy if it is to be of any use for us. That integration requires some mental gymnastic. We have to wrestle with every new concept or theory that we stumble upon so that they can be harmoniously wired in the makeup of our psyche. That exercise can best be done through the use of the written words.

With the written words, we have something tangible to work with. Those words can be changed and the sentences can be rearranged to fit the exact mold that we need and want.

A simple new thought randomly acquired can be turned into a highly polished mental concept that will fit harmoniously with our previous conceptions and beliefs. And, it is this harmony of thoughts that will shed clarity and understanding where confusion and darkness resided before. That is how we evolve and grow.

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We are never too old to expand and grow. What nature has taken away in terms of physical integrity, it has given back on the levels of experience and maturity. The playing field may have changed but the opportunities and possibilities for growth have in no way diminished.

As we grow older, our bag of tool is better equipped, our bank of references is richer and the lights of experiences have replaced the shadows of doubts and incertitude. With maturity come opportunities.

Personal growth is above all a state of mind. The inquisitive mind will find the learning and growing lessons that reside in the petal of a flower, on the snowy peak of mountaintops or in the chips of computers. With the right state of mind, everything is a learning and growing lesson.

If knowledge is a function of growth and self-actualization, achievement is its expression. Knowledge without outward manifestation is moot. Knowing without using has no effect on the growing process. Wisdom without outlet and expression is like a song that no one can hear. Useless.

Personal growth also requires the domination of faith over fear. Faith fosters the necessary expression of life; fear promotes its archenemy, paralysis. Faith gives life the oxygen essential to its survival and expansion. Fear is the cold wind that freezes and paralyses the spark necessary for growth and expansion.

Faith in the future inspires and motivates. It clears doubts and shouts for action. It sustains in rough times and gives wings when the sailing is smooth. Faith is the fuel of achievements and the motor of self-expression. With faith, anything is possible, without it, life is nothing but a struggle for survival. That’s a fight that can only ends in eventual failure.

Life and growth also require the stimulating effects of the winds of changes. They need to experience the diversity of the unknown and the input of new conditions and situations. Growth and wisdom are the fruits of experience. Nothing can grow in the void. Once the juice has been sapped out of an experience, another one is needed to supply a new source of energy and inspiration.

Self-actualization requires succeeding and different challenges. Some of those challenges are graciously offered by life itself. Others are self-created. Both kinds serve a purpose but the latter are the best sources of input and wisdom.

To grow, we need to slay dragons, climb mountains and sail uncharted seas. That is where our resources are taxed to the limits; where true growth is spurred on and new and unsuspected insight flourishes. Those self-imposed challenges are the ultimate fertilizers needed to reach our full potential.

We are work in progress and so long as we remain as such, we are in life-growing mode. The moment that we decide to stop striving and start coasting, we are in deep trouble. The status quo is not an option. Either we grow or we go.

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The object of this article is to discuss one of those very simple truth. A truth that is so self-evident that it is very hard to grasp, yet so important that it cannot be ignored. I was exposed to that truism at a Werner Erhard seminar a long time ago. Werner was aware that it would be difficult for us to truly accept that fundamental truth so he gave a whole seminars on the subject. Following those seminars, the attendees were supposed to be enlightened. And, in many cases, they were.

What then is that so important fundamental truth that was supposed to transform our whole life and leave us enlightened? It can be found in the coloquism that says, “What is, is. And what ain’t, aint.”

It is hard to believe that such a trite reflection can have such a powerful impact on someone’s life and it is even harder to believe that a person who “holds” this truth could in some way be enlightened. It is none the less true. Hundreds of thousands of people who have attended Erhard’s EST seminars can attest to that.

When we really “get” the reality of what “What is, is. And what ain’t, ain’t.” we understand that we have no choice but to accept the Universe as it is. We understand that wishing that circumstances were different is pointless, useless and detrimental to our peace of mind. Things are the way that they are and complaining or recriminating will not change anything.

It is a concept that is readily acceptable intellectually. The problem is to be able to integrate it emotionally. It does require the complete reversal of a primal instinct. From the first minute that we are born we understood that if we wanted something or if we were displeased with anything, all that we had to do was to cry and make a fuss and someone would come and give us whatever we wanted.

In many cases, the modus operandi has not changed. If the Universe does not provide what is expected, self-pity becomes the only option and tears stand as the only solution. Not a very edifying, mature or effective reactions.

Once the concept of, “What is, is. And what ain’t ain’t” is assimilated intellectually and emotionally, needless extra baggage of useless emotions is no longer a burden that has to be carried. Needless expenditure of negative energies is no longer required and the person is now free to pursue life in a more enlightened way.

Once the Universe is fully accepted as it is, all the available energy can be concentrated on taking the cards that life has dealt us in the moment and make the most of it. Not only is that the best available option, it’s also the only logical one.

In order to progress and grow, bad patterns of thoughts have to be replaced with more empowering ones. Our emotions cannot be allowed to rule rational thinking. The fact that the Universe is what it is at any given moment must accepted and the fact that we can only deal with the cards that we were dealt must also be accepted.

That is the path to self-actualization, the road to fulfillment and the highway to personal happiness.

More information on Werner Erhard and the EST seminars can be found here.

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It is a fact that we have to treat most people as if they were petulant three years old toddlers. When dealing with people, kid gloves are the order of the day. But that’s not all. Not only do we have to wear kid gloves but is has to be done in a way that will not appear to be condescending. A rather tall order.

This delicate approach is best accomplished by using the you-you attitude. That is, the person that we are addressing has to be given the number one priority. That person has to be the central pivot of the of the interaction. It has to be done in a way that the major and most important player in the communication is the person we are communicating with.

The reason that is has to be done that way is that we have all the control over our own actions but we have very little control over others. We can adapt to the situation but it is next to impossible to control someone else’s behavior.

There are times when we must disagree with others. It can be done and it can be done effectively so long as we start by agreeing with some part of the other person’s views. That is an essential element if we do not want our interlocutor to go on the defensive and start justifying his position.

Someone said, “A world without euphemism would be a barbaric one.” If we want to get along with people harmoniously, sometimes the truth has to be slightly colored. This by no way implies that a person should lie but tact and diplomacy never hurt anyone and has saved many situations.

Above all, we should never fall into the trap set by someone who claims that he wants the “honest truth.” That person feels to be on safe ground and is ready an eager for a spirited debate. The ideal way to deal with this situation is to agree to tell the truth but then proceed with caution. That person does not want the truth. That person wants to hear what he or she wants to hear.

There are also times when we have to reprimand someone. It can be done without creating any ill will by using the sandwich method. That is, the reprimand has to be sandwiched between two “slices” of compliments. First, we give a compliment, then we formulate the reprimand and close the conversation with another compliment. The admonition will be just as effective and no resentment will be created.

When dealing with people it must always be kept in mind that the least offense can create a scar that will last for a lifetime. Decades down the line, people may have forgotten almost everything about you but they will not have forgotten the hurt that you may have caused them. Such is human nature.

It must always be kept in mind that, the stronger the person, the more giving that person will be and the weaker a person is, the more demanding that person will be. The secret in dealing with people is to take the strong person’s stance. The strong person can meet the weaker one at his level without feeling diminished in the process. That’s a luxury that a weaker person cannot afford.

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First it must be understood that the personal image is not primarily addressed to the left brain logic but to the right brain emotions. We feel a person’s image much more than we coldly analyze it. A person is “seen” with the heart and not with the brain.

It must also be remembered that our interpretation of a personal images is determined by what is called an “a priori.” An a priori is a deduction made from past observations and conclusion. In other words, we evaluate what a person’s image means to us by automatically comparing it to our previous experience of similar images.

As and example, most people would see a chubby person as being jovial and easy going. Such a conclusion is not based on facts but on previous experience and popular notions. An image is exactly what it says, it’s an image and not a reality so it can be rebuilt, modified and enhanced to our advantage.

When working on the personal image, the first consideration must be the target of the intended image. What will appeal to teenagers will be vastly different than if the business or professional world is targeted. The rock star image will go quite well with teenagers while Donald Trump will be more fitting in the business or professional world.

The image presented will be perceived mostly by the senses and it must appeal to what’s needed and wanted by your targeted community. That is, if you are a businessman, you must look like a prosperous businessman who does not have a care in the world, talk the part and walk it. However, if you are in the community service you cannot afford to go around in a Rolls Royce wearing $3,000 suits. The image must fit the community.

The best role models for the personal image are the people who are successful in your field. These people should be studied, copied and emulated as much as possible.

The personal image is the tribune upon which a person stands to deliver his message. It is the lens through which a person is judged, cataloged and perceived. It is the “you” that the world see, accept, reject or ignore. It is your personal brand for all to see. A lot of your successes and failures depend on it. So, treat it well, improve it as much as possible but don’t get bent out of shape if it happens to be rejected by some.

You can’t please everyone every time. So, don’t overlook the positive many for the negative few. Create the best possible personal image and wear it proudly. It’s your personal trademark for all to see so make it a good one.

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Ringer maintains that intimidation is one of the best way to get ahead in business or in our professional life. At first glance, we may be repulsed by the idea, but it does have its merits.

It is a well known fact that that in order to succeed in the professional world we must be able to push our agenda and have our ideas implemented. To be a success one must show leadership and have the ability to convince others. And, one of the tools to accomplish that is through intimidation.

The word intimidation has a very pejorative connotation. It should not necessarily be so. A new understanding of the implication of the word intimidation is needed.

Intimidation does not necessarily implies brute force. We can intimidate people in a very subtle way. The way that we dress, the way that we talk, our position in life, the titles that we have or the friends and contacts that we have can all be forms of intimidation.

To put it more succinctly, the image that we project can be a form of intimidation and that intimidation can be used to influence people.

Danielle, my life’s companion, is a very successful realtor. She has a professional discourse, she wears classic and expensive clothes, her appearance is always immaculate and she drives an expensive car. To top is all off, she’s always cheerful and wears a permanent smile. Thanks to that, when she walks in a room people notice and when she talks, people listen. No wonder she’s successful. She’s successful because she intimidate people but she does it in a way that is subtle and not aggressive.

That, in one word, is how we can win through intimidation. Not by being a bully but by giving a good and remarkable impression. By having a personal image that is above average and outstanding.

Winning through intimidation means enhancing our God given attributes in a positive way. It mean cultivating the image of a competent and successful professional. It mean presenting ourselves like a competent and self-assured person. Like someone who has self-respect and who also has the ability to respect others.

Throughout history leaders have used intimidation in a subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) way to accede and maintain their status. It’s a lesson that we can learn and use to our advantage. Intimidation works if we learn how to use it in an intelligent way but it can also destroy if used carelessly.

Intimidation is a fact of life. We experience it every day. May as well learn about it and use it to our advantage. It’s a powerful tool and one that has to be used carefully but once it’s mastered and handled skillfully it will work wonders.

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Material success does not imply a successful, meaningful and rewarding life. Personal development does include all these factor plus the ability to perform on a higher level intellectually, morally and spiritually.

Personal development does not aim primarily at learning techniques and concepts that will permit a more productive performance. Its main objective is improving the character so that the person will accede to higher plateaus on the scale of overall quality.

Character is the sum total of the individual’s personality. It is the result of all past experiences and of all the factors that have influenced the person plus the genetically inherited traits.

Character is who we have become and Personal Development is the tool necessary to change who we are into who we aspire to be. The fundamental mission of Personal Development is self-transformation which is much more than simply acquiring information and knowledge. That is why Personal Development should be seen as a lifelong discipline and not as an occasional exercise.

A distinction should be made between Motivational Material and Personal Development. Motivational material seek to give a burst of energy and creativity but no lasting changes are expected. However with Personal Development, little, if any, boost will be given and little lasting changes can be expected from even the most intense seminars or discipline.

Personal Development is a long and slow process. It seeks a positive and lasting transformation of the individual also known as enlightenment. The enlightened person has access to a different reality and will see the world through an entirely different set of lenses. Life is then lived on a superior plateau. The external reality remains the same but the experience of it is entirely transformed.

Personal Development is done through a continual and constant work on the self that could be compared to body building. No matter how intense and individual session is, no perceivable change is affected but through constant repetitions and efforts, the desired state will be achieved. Personal Development does not seek to put makeup on the psyche but to alter its functioning.

Personal Development is not an event, it’s a process. Personal Development does not only modifies the behavior, it changes the person. That is, it will do it if the process of Personal Development is understood as it should be and practiced as it should be. One day at the time for a lifetime.

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Reading a PD book, and doing it well, requires as much time and effort as it does to write one. It is not something that can be done in a week or a month, it takes years.

The reason that it is so complex is that the important points in the book must be assimilated into our brain and nervous system in such a way that they become automatic reflexes that will spring into action of their own volition when these points need to be applied.

Reading a PD book is somewhat like reading a book on techniques for a particular sport. Knowing how to do it is useless unless the technique is applied automatically when the time comes. Take a book on the techniques of golf for example. Knowing the perfect way to swing the clubs is useless unless it is so well impregnated into the nervous system that it will be executed perfectly when the time comes.

Reading a PD book is also like prospecting for gold. Every bit of material must be carefully examined to find those small nuggets that will enrich our lives. It is not a process that can be rushed or done absentmindedly. Pearls of wisdom, like nuggets of gold, come in small packets so they can easily be overlooked.

Once found, these pearls of wisdom must be thoroughly assimilated. Assimilated information is more than knowledge. It becomes part of our unconscious thinking process and will automatically surface at the appropriate time.

The assimilation process is done through experiencing the particular content in various ways. As an example, let us say that you want to assimilate the win-win theory that say that when affecting a transaction, the ideal end result would be that both parties come out winners.

The first thing that you could do is to write down the words, “win-win” where it can be seen many times during the day. Then you could write down the places in your life that the principle could apply. You could talk to your friends about the win-win theory and maybe even write a short essay on it. First thing that you will know, that theory will be part of who you are and will spring up automatically when needed.

People have spent their entire life studying the bible. I believe that some PD books deserve the same treatment. Personally I have been working on Anthony Robbins’ Awaken the Giant Within for over two decades and I have done almost the same for Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance by Robert Pirsig. These books were read dozens and dozens of times. I have highlighted the important passages then transcribed those passages in Word.doc to be included in my Palm for quick references. These books have become part of my daily experiences.

Studying a book that way does require time and efforts but the investment is more than well worth it. It affects the quality of our life by literally changing who we are. The saying says, “No pain, no gain.” That could sum up the ideal technique to read a PD book. Put in the time and efforts and reap the rewards.

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Life truly is a gift. It’s by far the most important gift of all. Sadly, it is not always seen that way. Many of us have a scenario depicting exactly what life should be and if the scenario does not unfold according to plans, depression, sadness, resentment and a sense of failure ensues.

Does that mean that we should not have goals and objective or that we should not strive to improve our condition? Certainly not. One of the most fundamental tenet of life says that we either expand and grow or we wither and perish. There is no standing still or status quo in nature.

The gift of life comes with a price and that is the responsibility of striving to make the most of what has been given us by doing everything possible to become all that we can be so that we can contribute as much as we can.

There is nothing new under the sun. No matter what it is that we want to achieve, someone has already done it before. If we seek personal happiness, all that we have to do is to look at the people who already have achieved that objective, observe how they did it and emulate them.

I have known many very happy people and I have read the biographies of many more. All these people had one trait in common, they saw life as a game. You win some and you lose some but the ratio of wins and loses is proportional to the efforts that the players put into the game.

Happy people also know that you learn more from your loses than you do in the cases where you have won. They take the view that there is no such thing as failure, only logical outcomes. Either we come out with the prize or with new and accrued experience.
Losing a battle does not mean losing the war.

Happiness is the result of the correct application of specific rules. We should start out with an attitude of gratitude for all that has been given us. Accept the fact that life is an unpredictable adventure that will not always go according to plans and that when it does not, the best recourse is to adapt, change strategy and keep forging ahead.

Biologically, the purpose of life is to sustain life. That’s the fundamental reason that evolution has been successful. We are part of that evolutional process. Our role in it is to become all that we can be so that we can contribute as much as we can. If, we understand that process and live accordingly, personal happiness and personal satisfaction is the ultimate reward.

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