That kind of self-talk is an ego pleaser. It gets us off the hook for something that we are not proud off and it reassures our little ego that he was not at fault. After all, what could we expect? We’re a number one goof off so, what we do is goof.

It may very well be an ego pleaser and a way of forgiving ourselves but what it does to our self-worth and self-confidence is criminal. The mind, like any good computer, will give us what it has been programmed to give us. It’s the Gi-Go principle. Garbage In – Garbage Out.

Self-deprecating thoughts serve absolutely no worthwhile purpose and should be shunned like the plague. It’s a bad habit and it’s totally useless therefore should have no place in our life.

There will be times when we don’t make the right choices, times when we say things that we may regret or act in a way that is not totally appropriate. When that happens the proper dialogue that we should have with ourselves should go along the way of, “What I’ve just said (or done) is not like me. I’m better than that and it won’t happen again.”

Those words should be said with conviction and repeated over and over again until the message has truly set in. We cannot change the past and what has been said (or done) cannot be changed either. However, that is not a reason to compound a bad situation by making it even worse through attacks on the self-image.

Vladimir Lenin said, “A lie told often enough becomes truth.” By expressing self-deprecating sentiments often enough, they will eventually be accepted as self-evident in our own mind. What possible valid reason could there be for doing something like that? Absolutely none.

Self-confidence and self-esteem are priceless. They bring the best out of us, they sustain us in hard times and they are the best friends that we could ever have. If we are lucky enough to have a good dose of these two wonderful attributes, we should do everything possible to protect them. If not, we should do everything possible to acquire those precious qualities.

Self-acceptance and self-love are the results of what has been called the ultimate seduction. In most cases, it’s a lifelong process. Something that is never finished and should be fostered every day for the rest of our life.

With self-acceptance and self-love, a person is loving, giving and has a propensity for forgiveness and tolerance. Without it, the urge to drag others down has a tendency to show it’s ugly head. It is a sad truth that misery loves company.

The level of self-confidence depends on the quality of the self-image. A good self-image will foster a high degree of self-confidence and a poor self-image will reflect negatively on the self-confidence. That being said, it becomes evident that to increase self-confidence, the first thing that has to be done it to work on the self-image.

That self-image is the result of beliefs that were formed by personal observations that we made and suggestions that were accepted as being legitimate. Some of those suggestions came from peers but many were self-induced and more appropriately called autosuggestions.

We cannot always control the suggestions that are given from others but we can certainly control those that are self-made through autosuggestions. These are the ideal tools to build up the self-image and the self-confidence. So, let use them wisely and judiciously by focusing on the positive and ignoring the negative.

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Self-improvement will give you more tools and more resources. It will provide options that you never had before. It will give you insight on the working of the mind; it will give you hope when you need it and support when the going gets rough.

There is one thing that self-improvement will never do for you and that’s taking action for you. That is the major problem of those who get into self-improvement and fail. I have been very active in the self-improvement world and I have seen people spending ninety percent of their time learning new material or reading inspirational books while only spending ten percent of their time applying what they have learned. Not a good ratio at all.

Reading motivational material, attending seminars and going to great rallies can become a drug of choice. People who spend inordinate amount of time fiddling with self-help material while never taking action actually have the feeling that they are constantly improving when the reality is that they are simply chasing their own tail.

Self-improvement should be seen like any sport. First the rudiments of the discipline has to be learned followed by constant practice and occasional training lessons to learn new techniques and correct any faulty habits that may have been acquired along the way.

And, like in our sport analogy, the emphasis in self-improvement should be on the “practicing” part. Learning without doing is moot. Reading ten books on goal setting and achieving is completely worthless if the student does not set goals and strive to achieve those goals.

Back to the question, “Is Life Easier for Self-improvement Aficionados?” The answer is a non-equivocal YES. That is if there is equilibrium between the learning and the doing. The problem is that the “doing” or “taking action” part is a lot harder than the learning section.

A person could spend ten years reading about swimming but if that person does not get in the water and actually swim, chances are that falling off a boat would result in drowning. It is the same with self-improvement. The actual practice must follow the theory learning part or no change will come out of it.

Whatever we may have achieved so far, either good, bad or in between, is the result of small distinctions and small decisions that we have taken along the way. The better equipped and the more references that we had to assist us in making those distinctions/decisions, the more effective our choices were.

That’s where self-improvement techniques and theories can truly assist us. Those techniques and theories are the ones that were used by successful people who came before us. They are like a map that leads to success and the good life. So, when time comes to make those decisions, they are not done randomly. They follow a road that has been traveled before and known to work.

Suppose for a minute that you decided to do a parachute jump. What is the first thing that you would do? Chances are that you would try to gather as much information about parachute jumping as you could.

Well, it’s the same thing in life. We don’t get a second chance. We have to get it right on the first try. So, if I could give you the best possible advice that I can think off, it would be, “Take your self-improvement work seriously.” You’re already well into life’s parachute jump and you certainly want to get it right before you hit the ground.

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Sooner or later, we are bound to get stuck. We are at an impasse, deadlocked. No solution comes to mind. Why is that? The answer to that is simple. We don’t have a solution because we never thought of asking our brain for one. We just wait there for inspiration to come. Sooner or later, the solution might come. But one thing is certain; it will come a lot sooner if we ask ourselves the right question.

Question is one of the most powerful tool that we have at our disposal to guide us on the path to a successful, meaningful and rewarding life. Yet, most of the time, we don’t even think of using it. That’s like having the key to open a door in our pocket and instead of using it; we try to pick the lock with a bobby pin.

The brain will always supply some answers to whatever question we may ask. Some of those answers may not be the right ones but sooner or later, the precise answer that we are looking for will come along.

The trick is to formulate the right question. Not always an obvious task. As an example, if someone were to ask, “How come I’m not rich?” The brain might just answer, “You’re not rich because you’re stupid.” However if we ask the brain, “How can I become rich?” It will come up with many answers; one of which might just be the solution that can be used to accomplish that goal.

When a question does not give the right answer, it probably means that the question was not adequately formulated. In that case, all that needs to be done is to change the way that the question is asked.

Our brain contains an unimaginable quantity of information. Every experience that we ever had throughout our entire life is stored in there. It is even arguably claimed that the brain is all knowing. That it already contained at birth of all of the world’s wisdom and knowledge and that all that is needed to have access to that information is to ask the right question.

That theory has yet to be confirmed. However, one thing is certain and that is the fact that we know much more than we might think that we do. Who has not had a flash of insight that could not be rationally explained? Who has not experienced a moment of inspiration that seemed to come from nowhere?

We have, stored in our cranium, the most amazing thinking machine that ever was created. Neuroscientists will say that the brain’s capacity is virtually limitless. The only reason that they will not say that it is limitless is the fact that absolutes are never used by scientists.

Questions can be used to solve problems, they can be used to shed light on confusing situations or they can be used to find inspiration when so needed. They are one of the best counselors that we could have.

Certain questions are so important that they should be asked on a daily basis. One of those is, “What’s not perfect yet?” That’s one of the best ways to improve our productivity, our effectiveness and most aspects of our life. Some of the answers that we get following that question are simply amazing. It’s one of the best tools for self-improvement.

At birth we were given this amazing thinking computer called the brain. With everyday that passes, this amazing organ gets richer and richer in knowledge and information. That wealth of wisdom is just there waiting to be used. It works a bit like Google. All that we have to do is to formulate the right question and tons of answers will magically appear. It might be slower than Google but it’s much more accurate. It knows everything about us, something that cannot be found in Google.

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Our decisions have taken us to where we presently are in life and decisions will, to a large extent, determine our destiny. It is our decisions that have produced the level of success that we are now enjoying and or the lack thereof. In most cases, we are not victims of circumstance or pawns moved by the vagaries of life but the product and the effect of our decisions.

To a large extent, decisions are automatically processed in our bank of references. They are based on the results achieved in past similar experiences. Anyone who has ever touched a hot stove will know what this is about.

Decisions can also be influenced by a hidden agenda. People filled with guilt may have a secret wish for punishment and take decisions that will fulfill that wish. Some decisions can also be taken in order to respect and safeguard what we consider to be our identity. Behaving as who we perceive ourselves to be is one of the strongest behavioral directing factor in our life.

Many times, decisions are taken under erroneous assumptions or flawed logic. They can also be the results of social influences or motivated by states of minds and emotions.

The decisions making process is of capital importance when it comes to the outcome and quality of our life so it deserves exploration and examination. Something that is only done in very rare instances.

One of the best and most effective ways of making a decision is done with a pen and paper or with an electronic word processing application. The written word has a way of shedding clarity and eliminating shoddy and illogical thinking. Thoughts are volatile. The written word is not. Thoughts have a way of being rather figurative and metaphorical. The precise written word is cold hard fact.

It is also possible to have somewhat a dialogue with the written word even if those words are our own. That is, we can actually respond to what has already been written. A juxtaposing view (or views) can be compared to the original and give us a more effective solution.

The subject of a decision can always be shared with an expert on the subject to get a second opinion. Sometimes if the problem or dilemma that we are trying to solve is viewed by the dispassionate and cold calculating eyes of a second party, options that were not seen before may become evident.

To reach a clear decision, the essential of the problem must be clearly defined. The situation must be appraised rationally. The process of reaching a decision should be done in the writing form. And finally there is a proverb that says, “Night brings counsel.”

If at all possible, a day should be taken before reaching a final decision. Doing it in less than a day brings the risk that some better options might go unnoticed. Taking more than a day invites procrastination. Decisions have consequences and should not be taken lightly but on the other hand, the absence of decision might bring on paralysis.

Whatever method is used to reach a decision, a few rules should always be heeded and followed. The first is that a decision should be based on facts as much as possible and not on wishful thinking. The second is that it must always be taken into consideration that fear is a very bad counselor. Though the influence of fear may be hard to dispel, every effort should be made to do so. Decisions taken under the influence of fear tend to create short-term solutions but create larger problems further down the line.

Decision-making is an art. An art that is perfected through practice. Achieving proficiency in good decision-making stems for the experience of making bad decisions. So, we should look at bad decisions that we have taken in the past as a learning experience and not as a personal flaw. It is always possible to learn from them and do better in the future.

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The main reasons that people adopt self-destructive habits are to combat frustration and to fill the void created by what seems to be a meaningless existence. It’s a way of escaping a difficult and painful reality. A way of numbing the pain and an effort to get some parcels of pleasure to fill the voids.

The destructive habit does not even have to procure pleasure. It only has to sustain the memory that it once did and that will be enough to keep the habit firmly active. The average gambler will lose money more often (pain) that he will win (pleasure.) However those rare victories are enough to sustain the habit.

Destructive habits are methods used to escape the tedium of a boring and meaningless life. It’s the best possible option that the individual has been able to find so far. That being said, it becomes evident that the solution lies in finding more productive and empowering options.

That’s much easiest said than done for two reasons. First of these reason would be the refusal to acknowledge that the destructive habits are used as an escape route. Second is the fact that once humans have found a solution to a problem most of the time they will not even try to find another one — even if the solution that they are now using is almost as bad as the problem that they are trying to solve with it.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. Same with solutions to problems. You can offer solutions but if there is not a will to change, nothing will happen. However, there is a way to circumvent that. And that is by reaching the threshold of tolerance.

People will change when they cannot take it anymore. When the situation gets to be so bad that it is no longer an option, changes will be made. Every decision that we make is an effort to avoid pain and seek pleasure. So when the pain that a destructive habit gives becomes worse than the effort to make a change would, a change will happen.

Understanding a problem opens the door to the solutions. Bad and destructive habits are an escape route from frustration or from a meaningless life. If so, two possible solutions become evident. The first solution will get us on the most expeditious but least reliable route.

That would be to trade a bad habit for a good one. As examples, a smoker could get into sport and physical activities or a gambler could get involved in community work. If enough satisfaction is created by the new interest, it has some very good chances of working. However, the basic problems is not solved. We’ve just found an escape route for a dull and meaningless life.

The other solution, the ideal solution, the one that would solve the problem itself would be to set the plan for an interesting and meaningful life and implement that plan. It sounds like a very tall order but it’s not as bad as it seems at first glance. That is, if the person is determined to change.

We can either design a life or react to it. We can be the creator of our destiny or a victim of circumstances. The choice is ours. Abraham Lincoln said, “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” If we follow his advice and create our future, there will be no need and no place for destructive behavior. Loving life and wasting it are not mutually compatible concepts. Create the life that you want and lose the destructive habits that you don’t want. The key to your future is in your hands – use it well and there will be no regrets.

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It’s a great book but it’s not very practical. Who can walk around, meet people and try to recall some fifty different rules that should be applied to present a winning personality?

What is needed is a short, concise and to the point formula. Something that will encompass all of what Carnegie and others had to say on the subject. This is what I hope to do in this short essay on the subject.

There are two basic elements upon which a winning personality is based. The first is caring about people and the other one is a close cousin of caring which is, making people feel good about themselves. Sounds easy enough but in actuality, it’s not that simple.

First, we cannot fake about caring. Either we do or we don’t. Any attempt to fake caring is the perfect recipe for disaster. People will see right through it and will be put off by the charade. There is nothing as toxic as a lack of sincerity in human relation so it is to be avoided at all cost.

Caring about people is something that can be learned and it is not all that difficult. We simply have to remind ourselves how important people are. The people that we come in contact with, either directly or indirectly, can make us or break us. They literally hold our future in their hands. They are the ones who will either give us what we want or walk away from us.

If we care about people, they will care about us. There is something contagious about caring. It is the highest compliment that we can give to someone. It means, you are someone important, you matter. It is respect and acceptance all rolled into one. It is the golden rule at its finest. When we care about someone, we are treating that person the way that we would like to be treated. It’s an irresistible magnet.

The next elements needed to have a winning personality is to make people feel good about themselves. One of the primordial human need is significance. We all need to feel that we are important, that we matter. Making someone feeling good about themselves is one of the most effective way to fill that need.

Again, making people feel good about themselves cannot be faked. If we believe that they are worthy, the message will come through naturally. That message will be expressed in body language, in the words that we used and in the tone that we use to express those words. Our deepest feelings have a way of expressing themselves that cannot be denied, missed or misunderstood. The heart speaks louder and more clearly than words ever could.

So, if you want to have a winning personality, truly care about people, make them feel good about themselves… and they’ll think the world of you. That’s what a winning personality is all about.

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A Personal Planner is to the individual what a journal is to a company or a corporation. It is exactly what the name implies, a tool for planning. It’s a place where objectives, plans and strategies are written down and worked out.

It should also contain pertinent and useful data and information. My Personal Planner contains sections like: things to do today, a list of goals and objectives along with plans and steps to be taken to toward achieving those projects.

There are also sections for frequently used phone numbers, pertinent information about close contacts, friends and collaborators. I even have a place where my favorite quotes and affirmations are listed.

A Personal Planner requires about twenty minutes of our time every working day. Ten minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night. That twenty minutes is invaluable in term of time saving and productivity. Our work day is well planned and no good idea is ever lost or overlooked.

Nothing useful is ever loss or overlooked if we get into the habit of always carrying a small pocket voice recorder. It is also an indispensable tool. The minute that we think of something that could be added in our Personal Planner, it takes but a few seconds to record it and thus making sure that it not forgotten or goes out of mind.

No large company or corporation would even dream of doing without the company’s journal. Their very existence depend on it. On a smaller scale, the success or failure of our life also depends on effectiveness, planning and record keeping.

Most of us are quite busy and have to multitask. We have many and various areas and concerns that demand our attention. It’s a fact of modern life. How good and effective we are at performing will determine the results that will be obtained and one of the way to optimize our performance is with a Personal Planner and a pocket voice recorder.

With these tools, we will not be burdened with information that must be kept in mind. No important information will be lost. Our schedule will be effectively planned and we will perform on a higher level that we never thought possible.

A Personal Planner is a very small investment in both time and money yet it will pay untold dividends. It does require some minor additional effort at first, but once it becomes a routine, we wonder how we could have ever done without it.

Join the movers and shakers of the world. Get yourself a Personal Planner and a small pocket voice recorder. It will be one of the best decision that you will have ever made.

It is to be noted that a Personal Planner can be constructed out of a small loose leaf binder with some separators for the different items or subjects. There are also Personal Planners that can be downloaded online for free. A few clicks on Google is all that is needed to find one.

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Huge and very important decisions that will influence our life certainly play a major role in the direction that our life will take however they are only a small part of the overall picture. As an example, deciding to get married was a huge decision however the everyday distinctions that we make regarding the way that we treat our spouse will be the determining factor in how well or how bad the union will turn out.

The importance of small distinctions should never be overlooked. Not only the small distinctions regarding the way that we conduct ourselves but also the small distinctions as to what we will focus on, what is important and most of all what will lead us closer to our intended targets or objectives.

In order to increase the quality of the small distinctions that we make everyday, we must have a working knowledge as to how the mind operates.

At every given moment, the mind is bombarded with stimulus and information. If all that information was allowed to reach the conscious we would be overwhelmed so there is a mechanism that is set to filter what information will be allowed and what will be blocked out.

That mechanism is called the RAS or the Reticular Activating System. The RAS is finely tuned to our areas of interest. It knows what is important for us and what we focus on, so it will select, from all available information, what is most important for us and allow it to get to the conscious.

So, if we are eager to improve ourselves in small distinction making to improve the quality of our life, we should decide to make it a high priority item. That way, when we come across anything that could be of assistance, the RAS will give it preference and allow it to go through to our conscious thoughts.

As a large and magnificent edifice is composed through the harmony of individual quality components, so is a successful life. The major decisions that we take will form the structure of that life however it is the quality of the small distinctions that we make on a daily basis that will make the difference between a masterpiece and an abject failure.

Greatness is the result of quality decisions. Success is obtained and failure is averted by making those quality small distinctions throughout our life. We are the artisan of our destiny. As the master sculptor, we must adroitly execute the small incisions that will eventually reveal the work of art that we want to become. That is done through a multitude of small but quality distinctions.

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Have you ever said anything, or come up with an idea that was simply brilliant? A time when you were so proud of yourself? And can you remember times when you said something that was silly beyond beliefs? Of course you can. So, what made the difference between these two incidents?

The difference was due to the state of mind that you were while those occurrences were taking place. In the first case, the one that you were so proud of, you were in a great and empowering state of mind. In the second case, where you could not believe how silly you could have been, you were simply in a silly state of mind.

The state of mind is the regulator of our performances. That is what makes the difference between acting brilliantly and being just plain dumb.

That fact is seen every day in professional sports. Two teams of almost equal talent and ability will compete and the team that will win will be the one who’s player had the best attitude or the best state of mind. It is true in sport, it is also true in everyday life.

The state of mind is the determining factor in the quality of of every performances. A great state of mind will produce fantastic results while a so-so state of mind will produce questionable results.

The question then becomes, “how can we increase the quality of the state of mind that we are currently are in?” How can we change a low key state of mind into a dynamic, energetic and most empowering one?

The state of mind is most influenced by three factors.
1. What we focus on.
2. What things mean for us.
3. Our body posture.

If we focus on something that is positive, exciting and uplifting, those neurons in our brain will get all fired up and our mood will follow suit. Our state of mind will also be positive, excited and uplifted. On the other hand, if we focus on the bad and the ugly, so will our state of mind.

Shakespeare said, “Nothing is either good or bad but out thinking makes it so.” We get to decide what things or events mean for us and if we chose to color positively any situation, the quality of our state of mind will automatically be uplifted.

And, last but not least, one of the most effective way of empowering our state of mind is, through body posture.

At any given moment, small receptors throughout our body are sending signals to the brain signaling information about our posture. If we are standing straight and erect with an air of confidence, that’s the message that the brain will receive. On the other hand, if we stand and have the posture of someone who is down and defeated, that’s also the message that the brain will receive.

By altering our body posture we can directly affect our state of mind. Great posture, great state of mind. Great posture accompanied by well chosen focus and a positive outlook on whatever is affecting us in the present will create a fantastic state of mind. That state of mind will then determine the quality of our performances.

It’s not always how intelligent, how smart or how educated we are that matters most in how we perform. All these factors will be under the influence of our state of mind. So, if we want to perform to the highest level that we are capable of, the first thing that needs attention is our state of mind. The quality of the performance always depends on it.

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Not one will dispute the fact that in order to acquire wealth, goals have to be set, plans have to be established and massive action has to be included to make the dreams realities. However these steps have little chances of succeeding if another element is not taken into consideration.

And that element is the fact that we must be, before we can do, before we can have. That is, we must become the type or person who can do the deeds that must be done before we can have the things that we want.

Even with the best possible intension in the world, a person who earns $30,000 a year cannot suddenly start earning five or ten times that amount. It has been tried zillions of times and failed. It cannot be done.

To earn half a million dollars a year, a person has to be, or become, the type of person who can earn that type of money. Low income people do not think and do not act like people who become millionaires. It may be a hard fact to swallow but denying reality will not change it.

It has been said that if all the wealth was redistributed equally among everyone on the face of the earth, in less than five years everyone would be right back where they started. The people who where wealthy before would be wealthy again and the poor would be poor again.

You can recognize a tree by its fruits. We cannot produce differently than what or who we are. That’s a law of nature and it’s also a law that governs mankind.

So, it is well and good to have dreams, to make up goals and plans but, first and foremost, we must work on who we are if we ever hope to succeed financially. And the best way to do that, if wealth is our objective, is to read the biographies of financially successful people. Study and learn how they think and how they behave and then emulate them.

Again, we must be the kind of person who can do the things that needs to be done in order to acquire the things that we want. There are no escaping that truism. Many people have tried and most have failed. Don’t let that happen to you. Start working on yourself now. You are the source, you are the generator, you are the creator of your future.

You are the element that will produce wealth but before you can produce that wealth, you must become the type of person who can do it. Don’t let anyone fool you. There is no other way. You must be, before you can do, before you can have.

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