It would be almost impossible to overstate the importance of the self-image. It molded our personality, defined our character, and it directs our behavior. The self-image is the way that we perceive ourselves to be. It defines how we behave, it sets the boundaries of what’s possible for us and it shapes the way that we present ourselves to the world.

The self-image is responsible for the quality of life that we’ll enjoy or the lack thereof. For all these reasons and many more, our self-image is of capital importance. Every possible effort should be made to have the best possible self-image.

Before we attempt to change the self-image, it must be understood that the self-image is a personal belief and nothing else. It is not something that we were born with or that is inscribed in our genes or DNA. As far as the self-image is concerned, we were born with a clean slate that we filled by accepting suggestions that were given by parents, friends, teacher and peers and through some personal observations.

We were the ones who accepted those suggestions and made those observations so, even if were not consciously aware that we were accepting those suggestions, we must take full responsibility for the process.

Changes are only possible by taking responsibility for what concerns us. No change is ever possible by taking on the victim stance. The reason for that is simple. We have control over what we created or have allowed to be created in our brain but if we adopt the beliefs that it was due to outside influences, there is little if anything that we can do to change it.

Once we have accepted responsibility for our self-image, the second thing that has to be done is to write down what that image is. It is impossible to try to change some vague notion. Just as we would not try to redecorate the inside of a house that we have not seen, it would be foolish to attempt to change a self-image of which we only have some vague concepts.

Formulating the description of our self-image demands some introspection. The best way to do that is by sitting down and writing a paragraph describing who we perceive ourselves to be. That paragraph is simply a rough draft. It won’t be perfect and we should not even try to make it perfect.

However, in days to come, that draft has to be reviewed and corrected until we have an accurate description of what we perceive ourselves to be. It may take days and it may take weeks but the exercise should be done until we are satisfied with the finished product.

Once that this is done, we must define and write down what we believe that we could be if we were all that we could be. That is our ideal self-image. That’s the image that we want to fill; that’s the person that we want to become. That’s how we want to see ourselves – it’s our new and improved self-image.

We now come to the final stage of the exercise. That ideal self-image must be placed where it can easily be seen and read over and over again with conviction until it is completely believed and accepted.

People who have tried this technique were amazed at the results that were achieved in a relatively short period of time. Every time that the ideal self-image is read, it reinforce the belief and eventually turns it into a conviction. That’s the power of autosuggestion. It’s the ideal tool to change a negative self-image into the glorious image of what we fundamentally are.

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Our little trip on Planet Earth is a one-time deal and it does not last forever. Depending on how we look at it, that may be a very somber thought or it could be a tremendous source of motivation. One way or another, it certainly changes the perspective from which we view life.

When we take an honest look at the fact that our time is limited, everything changes. There is no more time for pettiness, there is little time for worries and all that really matters is what we truly want to accomplish before the final curtain falls.

With maturity we get to understand that life is about productivity. It’s about doing, achieving and growing in the process. We also get to understand that life is about engagement. It’s about contribution, it’s bout making a statement, and it’s about fulfilling our manifest destiny.

Seen in this light, our mortality becomes a great motivator. It gives us a sense of purpose and a sense of urgency. It’s a wakeup call. It incites us to focus on what is important and what really matters. It’s a constant reminder of how precious and important life is.

To be truly effective, the awareness of the fact that we have been given a limited existence has to be exercised with balance. If that awareness becomes excessive it may create a paralyzing obsession. On the other hand, if completely ignored, it could lead to a purposeless existence.

Chances are that there is little that we can do to extend the time that is given us except to follow the sensible rules that we all know regarding personal health care. However, even if there is little that we can do to expand the time that we have been allotted, there is much that we can do to fill that time with more life.

Intensive living is the result of passion. The kind of passion that can be found while pursing goals and objectives that are larger and bigger than we are – through goals and objectives that will demand complete involvement and complete dedication.

The kind of passion that feeds the thirst for knowledge and discoveries. The passion for self-discovery and self-actualization. The passion for life and everything in it. The kind of passion that is felt when we are involved in something that matters, is important, vital and essential.

Passion is the fuel that generates energy, flames the imagination, opens doors and bolsters courage. It is what gets us up early in the morning and keeps the flame burning until late in the night. Passion equates vitality and confidence as it creates the charismatic aura essential to success. With enough passion, almost anything is possible. Without it, everything is an uphill battle.

The kind of passion that we are talking about here is closely associated with caring. It’s caring enough about who we are to understand that we were placed on Planet Earth for a mission. It’s caring enough about ourselves to have a sense of purpose and destiny. It’s caring enough about ourselves to realize that we count and that we matter. In one word, it’s caring enough to see the grandeur of man and to live up to that vision.

Our time on Planet Earth is limited. We can use this fact as a reminder that time is precious and should be used judiciously. Seen in that light, it becomes a source of inspiration and a great motivator. The gift of life is the greatest there is. Let’s make the most of it while we still can.

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Attitude is everything. It’s not what happens to us that really matter. What does make all the difference in the world is how we interpret what is happening to us. Each and every one of us looks at the world through different lens. Those lenses are defined by the self-image.

Whether a person believes to be designing and building his life or is in survival mode depends exclusively on how that person sees himself. The survivor and winner will always be in a growth mode and the victim of circumstances will always be in survival mode, no matter what.

We see life and we interpret reality in a way that conforms to the views that we have about ourselves. Nelson Mandela was leading his country from the confines of a jail cell. In his mind he was a leader and a force for justice. That was his self-image and it also was his reality.

On the other hand, we have the sad story of a man who was a legend in his lifetime, Elvis Presley. Elvis was almost universally adulated. He had fame, fortune and the world was his oyster. In spite of all that, he literally destroyed himself.

Two legends, two self-visions, two vastly different outcomes. Outside circumstances matter little. Perceived identity means everything. We behave, respond, evaluate and perceive in ways that conform to the image that we have of ourselves.

Yet, for all its importance, that self-image is only an amalgamate of beliefs. Beliefs that were mostly passed down to us by parents, friends, teachers, peers, societal influences and a few from personal observations.

At one point, we need to sit down and take a good hard look at how we see ourselves, how we perceive ourselves to be. We need to re-evaluate the beliefs that we have about ourselves. How much of those beliefs are genuine and how much of them are fiction.

All personal breakthroughs begin with a change in beliefs. What we can or cannot do, what we consider possible or impossible, is rarely a function of our true capability. It is more likely a function of our beliefs about who we are.

The first thing that needs to be done by anyone serious about changing his life’s scenarios from survival mode to designing and building a life of choice is to sit down a write a brief description of his perceived identity. That description should focus on what the person could be if he gave his all and was determined to use his full potential.

This written self-description could be the most important document that a person possesses. It contains a clear view of what is possible. It sets the boundaries and scope of one’s possibilities. It sets the scenario that will guide the main protagonist (ourselves) in the story of our life.

We were all born winners; we were all given the talents necessary to take our rightful place in the grand scheme of the Universe. Our mission is to find and exploit our full potential. That mission starts with a search for self-discovery and once that this is done, everything else just falls naturally into place.

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That is the process that allows us to perform automatically most of what we do during the course of our life. That’s the process that allows us to drive a car almost automatically, to use our keyboard without having to search for the letters etc. However, that process also does a lot more.

That is the process that formed most of the beliefs that we have. It’s where most of our personal views on just about every subject under the sun were constructed. These beliefs and views are neatly tucked up in our bank of reference just waiting to spring forth when the need occurs.

The problem with that bank of references is that most of it was already formed before we were three years old. That is to say that some very important evaluations were done before we were mature enough to do it. Hard to believe but true.

By the age of three, we had definite notions about love, about relationships, about money, about people and about just every imaginable subject. At the time, they were very embryonic notions but they established the basis upon which our beliefs were eventually formed and accepted as gospel truth.

Today, years later, that bank of reference is still being used to define our reality. As we developed, learned and grew, some of those beliefs were altered to adapt to new information but the original evaluations still play an important role in our belief system.

Without that bank of references we simply could not function. It is where our automatic reflexes are stored; it is through that bank of references that we can have a normal conversation without having to analyze the course of that conversation. It’s the guiding mechanism for most of our actions however it is also were our beliefs are held.

Our beliefs are extremely important because they define our reality. As such, some of those beliefs are empowering and some are not. Some beliefs contribute positively and some are major roadblocks. Some beliefs are sources of inspiration and growth while others only contribute to difficulties and hardships.

We are the steward of our own bank of references and the overseer of our beliefs. It is for us to determine what is good and what is not; what should be kept and what should be changed.

It is to be remembered that beliefs are not cast in stone. They are simply notions that we have adopted for reasons that, in some cases, may be questionable and sometimes adopted before we were mature enough to make judicial decisions.

Some people where influenced, by the time that they were three years old, to believe that they were worthless and that they could never achieve anything worthwhile in their life. Years and years later that belief still affect and run their life in spite of tons of evidences to the contrary. That’s a real tragedy.

Beliefs are simply notions that we have accepted and notions that can be questioned and changed. Changes may not always be easy because our mind has a strong need for consistency. However, with some determination, a disempowering belief can always be replaced by a positive one. That’s how we grow, mature and become wiser and more effective.

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Every moment that we are awake, the little chatterbox in our mind is active. It’s a bit like a radio that cannot be shut off and, just like a radio; we have many different stations that we can tune in. Some of these stations are upbeat and uplifting while others are filled with gloom and doom and altogether very depressing.

There is however a major difference between our little chatterbox and a radio. The chatterbox is interactive. If we wish, we can participate in the conversation that goes on.

The importance of that chatterbox is the fact it controls our feelings and the way that we see life. It also controls our state of mind, which in turn controls the level of our performances. Given these facts, it becomes evident that we should do everything in our power to maximize the quality of what comes out of this all-important chatterbox.

The best way to do that is by tuning into the channel that focuses on our life’s purpose. Of course, if it’s not already done, we have to begin by defining what that life’s purpose is all about. The first step to get to know what that purpose is would be to ask the question, “What is most important for me?”

At first sight, it seems to be an awesome question with no evident answers. However, after some reflection it becomes quite evident that what we want the most and what is most important is to feel good. Of course, that answer will bring up another question, which is, “What makes me feel good?”

Now, that is the primordial question and one that will bring a different answer depending on the individual’s values. For some, it might be personal growth. For others, it might be pursuing a cause that is larger than they are. The answers will vary depending on the individual but what is truly important is finding the answer to that question. The quality of our life depends on it.

The reason that it is so important is that we have two choices in life. We can either run away from something that we fear or run toward something that we want. Either way, we’ll be running. There is no standing still in life.

Without a purpose to run toward, we’ll be running away from fears. There is no shortage of those. They are like a pack of wolves howling at the moon. We can either listen to those scary sounds or listen to the sweet music of accomplishment.

By being invested in a purpose that is big enough, noble enough and grand enough, there will be little place in our lives for fears and other negativities. We cannot focus on two different topics at the same time. Either our eyes are staring at the stars or they’ll be glazing at the abyss.

Helen Keller said it best, “Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.” Either we stand for something or we mean nothing. Either we have a purpose in life or life will use us to serve its purpose. Either we create and grow or we vegetate and wallow.

Life is too important to be wasted. To live it to the utmost, a purpose is needed. A purpose around which we can wrap all the other elements in our life and see it all shine gloriously as it creates the statement that we were born to be.

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It may be hard to believe but most of us go through life literally in a hypnotic trance. That is, we have been hypnotized by outside influences into believing that life is biographical, that our past equates our future. We have been mesmerized into thinking that who and what we are is a reality that cannot be changed and that what happened to us in the past is likely to be what we’ll experience in the future.

Changing that stinking thinking is what self-improvement is all about and that is why it’s a pro-active process and not a passive one. In most cases, changing beliefs is a lot harder than learning new material. One of the reasons that it is difficult is the fact that we don’t actually assimilate what we see or hear.

Instead of assimilating messages the way they were intended to be understood, we’ll find a way of distorting the words so that they confirm what we actually believed in the first place. Having an open mind is a myth. We’ll go to almost any length to preserve our beliefs and convictions.

An example of those phenomena is seen when trying to convince someone who has an alcohol or substances problem that the habit is not good for them. They will hear the words perfectly however the message simply will not get across. Somehow, they will remain confident that what they do is not a problem.

New concepts almost always face stiff resistance. As long as we believe something, our brain operates on automatic pilot, filtering any input from the environment and searching for references to validate our belief, regardless of what is it.

Self-improvement implies changes. We cannot improve and remain the same. Self-improvement is not about a superficial makeover. It’s about changes in beliefs and changes in character. Until that is done, there is no self-improvement. We can hide the stripes on a Zebra but it will still be a Zebra.

True changes require a modification of the way that we see ourselves, a change of identity if you will. As an example, someone could learn everything that there is know about how to set goals and achieve those goals but very little will happen until the person sees himself as a winner and an achiever.

We behave as we perceive ourselves to be. One of the strongest and most fundamental forces that control our behavior is the need to be true to our identity. To change our behavior, our character and our thought patterns, we must change our identity. That is the aim of self-development.

Our identity is simply the beliefs that we use to define our own individuality. As we develop new beliefs about who we are, our behavior will change to support the new identity. Shifting, changing or expanding identity can produce the most profound and rapid improvements in the quality of your life.

So, the ultimate objective of our work in self-development is to affect a change in how we perceive ourselves to be, in our identity. That can only be done by shedding the parts of that identity that does not serve us and replace them with positive and empowering beliefs. A daunting but not impossible task.

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When it is well understood and assimilated, this one sentence contains an entire philosophy. It can become a life’s purpose, a source of motivation and a guiding light to achievement and self-actualization.

The part that says, “Life is a gift.” is particularly telling. Once that the fact that life is a gift is accepted, everything changes. Instead of feeling that life owes us we are left with the feeling that it is we that owes to life.

This could be better explained by using an analogy. Let us say that someone gives you a nice car. Chance are very good that you would be grateful for the gift instead of complaining that the car has not your favorite color and that it is not brand new.

Same thing with the gift of life. When accepted as a gift, we don’t go around complaining that all is not perfect. We accept the gift gratefully and do our utmost to enjoy it as much as possible.

Accepting life as a gift rather than as an ordained right is a slight but a very meaningful distinction. We are more prone to value and enjoy the gift and every day that is given us becomes an added bonus instead of a source of recrimination for whatever is not perfect in our eyes.

Serenity is not a matter of outside circumstances; it’s a way of interpreting our reality. It’s a matter of accepting what is, changing what can be changed and coping gratefully with what is given us. Life may not unfold exactly as we would like but it’s always better than non-existence or the great void.

The quote also says, life offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more. There is a world of wisdom in these words. It’s about the duality of the Universe. It’s about the Ying and Yang that rules everything.

For every force there has to be a counteracting force. There are two sides to everything. Polarity is essential to existence. Without the negative, the positive cannot exist. Life is about symbiosis and contribution. In order to get, we must give.

The more we give and contribute, the more we get back. This fundamental truth is of special importance for anyone who happens to be on survival mode and struggling just to stay afloat. What can you give if you barely have enough for yourself?

Giving can take the form of support, advice, encouragement and above all human warmth. There is always someone who could use some moral support or a good word. It does not cost anything and it can make a world of difference to someone in need.

It is by sowing that we reap. It is by giving that we receive and no one is so poor that he does not have something to give. Contribution is more a question of attitude than a matter of material possessions.

Basically, what this quote says is that life is a gift and with that gift came some talents. Now, if we choose to appreciate that gift, cultivate those talents and share their fruits, the end results will be the life of our dream. One short quote that says it all.

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Being able to direct and create our own version of the way we see our world gives us almost god-like power. We can shape our reality in almost any way that we want and we can direct how we experience every day that is given us.

Movie directors know that different effects of a scene can be created simply by changing the angle of the camera that is recording the scene. They also know that by changing the opening of the camera’s lens they can determine what will or will not be seen on the film.

It’s a big world and an almost limitless Universe out there. It contains amazing beauty and there is ugliness. There are scenes of joy and there is suffering. We can also see great hope and some despair. We are the Director; we get to decide what we will focus on and choose how it will affect our reality.

This liberty to choose has been called the ultimate freedom. We are not stuck in a fixed reality; we get to choose it. We have the choice between literally millions of different settings to focus on. No one and no outside influence can restrict that choice. The ultimate choice is in our hands. We are the Director.

As Director, we get to choose the theme of our movie. It can be a film about adventure, it can be about saving the world, and it can be about small or huge accomplishments. It’s our film. Whatever we want to see in the film and whatever way we want it seen is available. It’s a big Universe out there and it’s all at our disposal.

There is such a thing as reality however it cannot be grasped by the human mind. The very best that we can do is to create a representation of what we perceive reality to be. We don’t know what others are thinking; we don’t really know what is in their heart and mind.

We don’t know what others believe and we don’t know how they perceive reality. We don’t know about the nature of God and we don’t even know why we do most of what we do – yet, we profess to know what reality is all about.

Even on the tangible plane, our eyes deceive us. Quantum physic says everything that we see is in actuality nothing but energy. Still, most of the time we are left unfazed; we believe that our perception of reality is real. It’s not. It’s just a perception.

It does take maturity and some soul searching to come to the evidence that we live in a world of our own making. In a world that is mostly the fruit of our imagination. Before we can accept this theory, a very wide bridge has to be crossed. We must be willing to think outside of the box and change some fundamental beliefs. Not always an easy task.

It’s not an easy task but it is one that is very liberating. Once we have come to accept that we live in a world or our own making, we also understand that we are not tied down to just one world or one reality. It is in our power to change whatever reality we are in for another one that is more pleasant and more empowering.

We are the Director who decides what we will ignore and what we will focus on. We can change the perspective from which we look at everything tangible and non-tangible. We can create our world; we can create our reality. We’ve been doing it all along; the difference is that we did not know that we had a choice. We do have that choice – so let’s make it a world of wonderment and happiness.

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Strange as it may seem, in some cases, ignorance can be a blessing. Most of the world’s greatest achievements came to be because someone simply did not know that it could not be done. That’s when it would be appropriate to invoke the proverb that says, “Ignorance is bliss.”

The extent of what we can accomplish is only limited by the scope of our determination. Most of our limits are self-imposed. For thousands of years, people held the belief that it was impossible for a human being to run the mile in less than four minutes. But in 1954 Roger Bannister broke this imposing belief barrier.

In the whole history of the human race, no one had ever been able to break the four-minute mile, yet within one year of Bannister’s breaking the barrier, 37 other runners also broke it. And the year after that, 300 other runners did the same thing! Today, high school kids run the four minutes mile. All that because Roger did not know that it could not be done.

Most of man’s greatest achievements were thought to be impossible at one point. Someone did not know that it was impossible, went ahead and did it. Now it is seen as self-evident.

If we ever hope to do anything worthwhile with our life, the Art of Selective Ignorance has to be learned and mastered. That is, we have to learn to ignore all the reasons why it’s impossible to do something that has never been done before. We need to learn to ignore limitations, lacks and shortages.

One of the most important words in the vocabulary of great achievers is the adverb: how. They want to know “how” something can be done and they choose to ignore the reasons why it cannot be done. That is the Art of Selective Ignorance at its finest.

Dr. Martin Seligman of the University of Pennsylvania has introduced us to the world of “learned helplessness.” He has demonstrated how one single failed attempt at something that we tried to accomplish can create the belief that it meant that we could never accomplish that objective.

He also showed that this “one attempt” could create the belief that since we’ve failed in this particular project it also meant that we would fail in something that is totally unrelated. And, as if that was not enough, this one failure can also be seen as a personal flaw or personal ineptitude.

In 1895, Albert Einstein sat the entrance examinations to get into the prestigious Federal Polytechnic School (or Academy) in Zurich, Switzerland and failed. What a great mind the world would have lost if Einstein had taken that failure as a sign that he was not intelligent enough to pursue a life of research.

We can always learn from our failures. However, we must be selective on what we choose to learn. Instead of learning that failures are signs of personal ineptitude, we should learn from what went wrong and how it can be changed in future attempts.

The brain is a wonderful tool but it does need someone at the helm to direct it. Allowed to run free, it can create havoc; well guided it can produce wonders. That is why we should learn to master the Art of Selective Ignorance.

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We see it all the time and we may be guilty of it ourselves. People who ignore their own needs, only think about others expecting to be repaid with gratitude and find themselves taken for granted and denied recognition for what they have done.

After awhile, these people are left feeling used and abused. They never realized that what they were doing was actually a form of manipulation. They were attempting to exchange service rendered for love and recognition. It simply does not work.

Love and kindness has to be a win/win situation or it will fail. If the satisfaction can be found in the giving, that is fine. But any attempt at bartering, conscious or otherwise, will fail. Love and gratitude are spontaneous responses. They cannot be coerced or forced. Either they are freely given or they will not come forth.

Actually it all boils down to true respect. Before we can truly respect others, we have to be able to respect ourselves. Again, we cannot give what we don’t have. Self-denial is not a virtue. It’s a lack of self-respect. It’s not a form of humility; it’s a form of servility.

The best possible way to be truly generous, loving and giving is by following the theory of Egoistic Altruism. Basically that theory says that you start by working in your own best interest first and then you extend your efforts toward others. That may sound selfish; it’s not. It’s common sense. Egoism is used to foster altruism; it’s not an end unto itself. It’s an effort to contribute more by becoming more.

The Egoistic Altruism theory is the antithesis of the victim mentality. It implies that the person will take responsibility for his happiness and welfare. It’s a way of teaching and inspiring through example. In one word, it means being part of the solution and not part of the problem.

We admire and respect those who have true respect for themselves. These people are seen as charismatic. We sense that if they can respect themselves, they will also respect others.

Our behavior is an extension of our feelings. When we are contented and happy, we spread joy and we’re generous. On the other hand, when we’re sad and feel deprived, it also affects our behavior. That’s the reason why it is important to look to our own best interest before extending our generosity to others.

Philosophers who support egoism have argued that altruism is demeaning to the individual and that no moral obligation to help others actually exists, and that all of our actions are based upon self-interest.

They are partially right. There is no moral obligation to help others and most of our actions are based on self-interest – but that’s as far as it goes. Contribution may not be an obligation but it is an essential requirement to self-fulfillment. Most of our actions are motivated by self-interest but if they do not, at one point, extend to the betterment of others, there is a character flaw.

Complete maturity implies the need for interdependence. That is, the need to share and contribute. That is where we see the nobility of man; that is where we become all that we can be.

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