In most cases, the self-image was pretty well defined by the time that we were three years old. The society in which we live, parents, friends and teachers had already, at that tender age, influenced us in accepting their views as to who and what we are. Most people go through life holding unto someone else’s opinion of their self-image. What a shame, what a waste.

The self-image is like a mask that could be worn in a play to define a character. And just as is the case in a play, the actor will remain faithful to that character. Yet, for all its importance, that mask is only the product of suggestions from others and from personal observations. The mask is the synthesis of randomly accepted suggestions and not much else.

Those suggestions created a fundamental belief that defined for us what we believe our nature to be. A belief is nothing but notions that are supported by evidences. Whether those evidences are factual or not does not matter. All that matters is the conclusions that they bring and those conclusions become our reality.

If the mask (self-image) that we are wearing does not serve us well, it can be changed. Remember finding a friend that you had not seen for a long time and be amazed at the transformation that had taken place since you had last seen that person. That transformation was caused by a change of the self-image.

The change could have been done either voluntary or unconsciously. The effect is the same either way. If we so choose, it is possible to change that image. That is done by consciously changing the tone of the chatter that constantly goes on in our mind.

We are constantly evaluating our performances and ourselves. Can you recall ever telling yourself, “I can’t do anything right. I’m stupid. No one likes Me.” Those are all comments that will reinforce a negative self-image. By consciously changing those comments to, “I’m a pretty sharp guy. I’m OK. People seem to like me.” the self-image will gradually change from negative to positive.

Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon, was amazed at finding out that, even after intensive changes following cosmetic surgery, his patients still held on the belief that nothing had changed, that they were still disfigured. He came to the correct conclusion that the self-image will not conform to the reality but will hang on to previously held beliefs.

Dr. Maltz worked with these patients to change the self-image through autosuggestion and positive affirmations. In about thirty days, the change was complete. These people finally accepted new beliefs about themselves; their self-image changed and they were finally brought into a new reality.

We behave as we perceive ourselves to be. The self-image determines how we behave, how we see the world and how we think about ourselves. And, again, for all its importance that self-image probably has never been explored or questioned. If it serves us well, there is no need to change it. However, if it can be improved, it is always possible to do it. All that is needed is to change the self-talk. Try it and see miracles happen.

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It matters little whether we call him Super-ego or Conscience however what does matter is to understand the little guy’s function, how he works and how he can be influenced to intercede in our favor.

One of the problems that we find with that little guy is that he’s very much influenced by the Ego. And that was especially true when we were very young. If for some reason our Ego was bruised by some disparaging remarks, the little guy would take it way too seriously and lower our level of self-esteem and by the same token, our level of self-confidence.

In some cases, those negative remarks came from parents, teachers, friends and peers. Not necessary individuals who were qualified to give valid opinions on the subject of our true worth. However our little guy took those opinions to be the gospel truth and lowered our self-esteem.

So in order to build that self-esteem again, we need to have several talks with the little guy and make him understand that some of those degrading remarks were certainly not warranted and that he has to disregard them.

Early age self-assessment of our worth created a powerful belief regarding our identify and how we perceive ourselves. In cases where a negative self-image was created, the belief has to be changed. That can be accomplished by repeatedly using positive affirmations and by finding evidences that will disprove the original belief. The process might require intense and prolonged efforts but the results can be spectacular.

Every day that we live, our little guy keeps on assessing our performances. His main concern is the level of our commitment to be all that we can be. When we perform as well as we can, he will raise our self-esteem. When we don’t, self-esteem will suffer.

We cannot fool the little guy. He knows when we use excuses and pretexts to cover an unacceptable performance. And he also knows when we assume the victim role to please our ego. Failing to assume personal responsibility for whatever happens to us is seen as a cardinal sin that is simply not acceptable.

What the little guy inside our brain wants to see is for us to face life’s challenges with courage, give our best and be true to ourselves. He understands that there will be setbacks and that we will fail sometimes. In those instances we will not be penalized so long as we acted courageously, performed to the best of our ability and did not shy our responsibilities.

Self-esteem should depend almost exclusively on how we evaluate our performances and to a much lesser extent on the results that we achieve. That is something else that we should make sure that our little guy knows about. He’s the one who sets to tone for the level of our self-esteem but we’re the one who should set the rules.

One of the most precious possessions that we can ever hope to have is a strong and healthy self-esteem. With it we see life through an entire different set of lens. Getting to like and appreciate ourselves has been called the ultimate seduction. So called because when we have it, little else is needed to make us feel happy. Thus the importance to please the little guy that resides in our brain.

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Reading self-improvement books serves an essential purpose however that purpose is not what you may think it is. We read self-improvement books because they motivate and inspire. Not because they inform. We already know what we need to know to succeed. The problem is that we’re not using it.

We also read self-improvement books because, unconsciously, we’re hoping to find a way to succeed without having to go through the basics. Sorry, there is no such animal. The Masters in any discipline, and that includes the Art and Science of Success, will tell you that everything starts and ends with the basics. Even the virtuosos and grand masters constantly practice and use the basics.

The basics fundamentals are the cornerstones upon witch any discipline or area of expertise are based. To master the basics is to master the art and science of that discipline. Everything else is just fluff designed to make it more palatable and interesting.

The basics in the Art and Science of Success are quite simple. They are: 1) Specific purpose, 2) Desire, 3) Certainty, 4) Action and 5) Perseverance.

1. Specific Purpose. Before a dream can be turned into reality, that dream has to be well defined and quantified. Any journey has to have a specific destination, so does an objective or a life’s mission. Before anything else is done, it is absolutely necessary to know precisely what it is that we are after.

2. Desire. The scope of the desire has to be proportional to the size of the objective. Wishing to climb Mount Everest would not be enough but a burning desire would do it. The desire is the fuel that propels the energy and enthusiasm necessary to reach the objective. The farter and more distant the objective, the greater the desire has to be to reach it.

3. Certainty. Certainty has been called, “The Winner’s Edge.” With certainty well implanted and doubts out of the way, fear is removed and the entire focus is on the goal to be reached.

4. Action. This has to be the most important ingredient of any achievement. Other basics elements required to succeed may be neglected but action is essential. Without action, nothing happens. With enough and well directed actions, almost anything is possible.

The inability to take action is the number one cause of crushed hopes and failed lives. Taking action is what separates the dreamers from the doers and the winners from the could-have-been. If one ever hopes to succeed at anything, action is essential.

5. Perseverance. Nothing of any importance ever unfolds without some roadblocks and setbacks. Few wars are ever won without loosing some battles. Jim Rohn says, “How long should you try? Until.” That’s how long perseverance should last, until the objective is attained.

Those are the basics of the Art and Science of success. You don’t need anything else. You put these five elements to work for you and success is within reach. Before you go to another seminar or reach for another book and success and motivation, try these. If that does not do it for you, there is something that you failed to understand or to implement.

As we quoted in the beginning of this article, “Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural consequence of consistently applying the basic fundamentals.”

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Self-improvement will give you more tools and more resources. It will provide options that you never had before. It will give you insight on the working of the mind; it will give you hope when you need it and support when the going gets rough.

There is one thing that self-improvement will never do for you and that’s taking action for you. That is the major problem of those who get into self-improvement and fail. I have been very active in the self-improvement world and I have seen people spending ninety percent of their time learning new material or reading inspirational books while only spending ten percent of their time applying what they have learned. Not a good ratio at all.

Reading motivational material, attending seminars and going to great rallies can become a drug of choice. People who spend inordinate amount of time fiddling with self-help material while never taking action actually have the feeling that they are constantly improving when the reality is that they are simply chasing their own tail.

Self-improvement should be seen like any sport. First the rudiments of the discipline has to be learned followed by constant practice and occasional training lessons to learn new techniques and correct any faulty habits that may have been acquired along the way.

And, like in our sport analogy, the emphasis in self-improvement should be on the “practicing” part. Learning without doing is moot. Reading ten books on goal setting and achieving is completely worthless if the student does not set goals and strive to achieve those goals.

Back to the question, “Is Life Easier for Self-improvement Aficionados?” The answer is a non-equivocal YES. That is if there is equilibrium between the learning and the doing. The problem is that the “doing” or “taking action” part is a lot harder than the learning section.

A person could spend ten years reading about swimming but if that person does not get in the water and actually swim, chances are that falling off a boat would result in drowning. It is the same with self-improvement. The actual practice must follow the theory learning part or no change will come out of it.

Whatever we may have achieved so far, either good, bad or in between, is the result of small distinctions and small decisions that we have taken along the way. The better equipped and the more references that we had to assist us in making those distinctions/decisions, the more effective our choices were.

That’s where self-improvement techniques and theories can truly assist us. Those techniques and theories are the ones that were used by successful people who came before us. They are like a map that leads to success and the good life. So, when time comes to make those decisions, they are not done randomly. They follow a road that has been traveled before and known to work.

Suppose for a minute that you decided to do a parachute jump. What is the first thing that you would do? Chances are that you would try to gather as much information about parachute jumping as you could.

Well, it’s the same thing in life. We don’t get a second chance. We have to get it right on the first try. So, if I could give you the best possible advice that I can think off, it would be, “Take your self-improvement work seriously.” You’re already well into life’s parachute jump and you certainly want to get it right before you hit the ground.

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Basically, self-actualization means working toward becoming all that we can be. It should be a process that starts at birth and last until the last curtain falls. Unfortunately, such is not always the case. Many people are so entangled in the problems of daily life that little thought or attention is given to self-actualization.

That’s a shame because self-actualization should be what life is all about. Life means growth. The moment that growth stops, stagnation and decay set in. That is true for all living organisms and it is especially true for humans. It is correctly said that some people die at age twenty-two, forget to fall down, and will only get buried past age eighty.

Self-actualization passes through three stages: learning, integrating and doing. Let’s review these three stages.

1. Learning is the first stage. Every new thing that we learn is added to our bank of reference where it can be used in the thinking process. That information serves to evaluate concepts and ideas; it can be used to make finer and more effective distinctions and is the basis for the entire conscious process.

2. The integration into the wiring of our brain of some of our knowledge has to be done in a way that it becomes an automatic reflex. That is the second stage of the self-actualizing process and it has much to do with self-control. It is evident that a person near the zenith of self-actualization will not react to situations the same way that an infant would. As we evolve and grow, we get to be more and more sophisticated in our automatic responses to situations and events.

3. The last, and probably most meaningful stage of self-actualization is the “doing” part. It is not what we know that really counts but what we do with it that really matters. It is by pushing our limits that we really grow. So long as we stay in our comfort zone, no real progress is achieve. It is when we really have to flex our intellectual muscles that growth occurs.

That is the primary reason why we should have goals and objectives. It is not reaching a goal that is the most important. What really matters is the person that we have to become to reach our objectives that really matters.

The real objective of goal setting is self-transformation, self-growth and self-actualization. The stories of people who never grasped or understood that fundamental axiom are legion. They are the tales of people who have achieved unbelievable success, acquired fame and adulation of the masses that end up destroying themselves because they are so miserable and unhappy that they can no longer stand it.

Material possessions, fame and recognition by themselves will not bring happiness. Successful living is above all a state of mind. It is found in the satisfaction that we are constantly growing and improving; in the realization that we are evolving and contributing. In the feeling that, day-by-day, we are climbing the path of self-actualization.

Once our basic physiological and emotional needs have been met, everything that we do is directed toward satisfying our need for self-actualization. Self-actualization has been called the master motive. In other words, self-actualization is the ultimate motive from which all other motives spring.

Once we’ve understood this basic fact of life, we are ready to make real progress. We are heading in the right direction. It’s not what we own that really matters; it’s whom we are that really counts.

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Crushed expectancies create frustration which in turn leads to crushed self-image, blows to self-worth and major damage to self-confidence. The number one cause of procrastination is the very real fear of frustration and its demoralizing effect.

Most of us have been there. We gave our best. Success seemed assured, and then the sky fell on us. Some unexpected event happened and our dream was shattered. We were left very sad, broken and we swore that it would never happen again. No more big dreams for us. We simply could not risk going through that again. Simply too painful.

The saddest part in all of that is the fact that all that pain could have been avoided by taking a slightly different approach in the pursue of our goals and objectives. That is, if we had understood that those goals and objectives are not really what we ultimately were after. What we truly want is to feel good.

If what we truly want is to feel good, maybe we should make an in-depth search into what makes us feel good. Of course, reaching an objective that we’ve been after for a long time will make us feel good. But that goal-reaching happiness usually last a relatively short period of time. Once an objective has been reached, we get used to it and we’re ready for something else.

On the other hand, there is another source of “feeling good” that is under our control and that can last as long as we are willing to put in the efforts to keep it going. That is the “feeling good” sensation that we get when we understand that we are performing at the highest level that we possibly can – that we are improving, growing and expanding as individual.

Nothing can bring sweeter and longer lasting satisfactions than victories over ourselves. It boosts self-confidence, improves the self-image, increases personal power and gives a tremendous sense of mastery over life itself. It’s an ego pleaser and a self-builder.

Victories over self do not depend on the successes achieved but on the performances given. An outstanding performance against a formidable objective that is not attained is a greater victory over self than achieving success in a lesser quest. Climbing Mount Everest only half way is a much greater success then the victory found in reaching the top of the local sky slope.

Frustration can be avoided by conducting our life in a way that we have total control over our expectations and by according only secondary importance over the factors over which we have little or no control. Vince Lombardi said, “Winning isn’t everything, but the will to win is everything.” He was right…

We may not have complete control over the outcome of an undertaking but we have complete control over the dedication and efforts that we put fort. When we are mature enough to understand that, frustration is no longer an issue.

The only possible way to expand and grow is by tackling challenges and obstacles that are bigger than we are. That’s how we get bigger and stronger. It’s how we get to reach down in the debt of our soul to set free those elusive resources that we did no even know that we had.

A weight lifter who fails in an attempt to lift ten pounds more than he ever lifted before will not be frustrated. He knew before hand that failure was a real possibility but he also knew that he had to try if he wanted to grow and improve. The same principle also applies to us. We have to try and risk failure but we must also know that real growth is the result of multiple failures. Once we’ve understood that, frustration is no longer an item on our agenda.

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These are but a few of the ways that security is sought. The need for security is a powerful motivator. It can lead people to do great things as it can lead others to self-destruct by hiding into drug abuse and alcoholism. There are no fail-safe methods of acquiring security but there is one that stands head and shoulders above the others. But, first, let’s have a look at the nature of fear.

First and foremost, fear is a sense of inadequacy in front of an impending real or imaginary situation. It is the sense that if such or such a situation was to materialize, our current resources would be inadequate to meet the challenge and we would somehow be hurt or even completely destroyed.

Most of the times, when under the grip of fear, the consequences of the impending danger are greatly exaggerated. The reason for that is the fact that fear has a disempowering effect that can lead to near-paralysis which cut us off from being able to use the resources at our disposal. A situation that can only acerbate even further the feeling of helplessness, which in turn creates a greater fear.

It must also be noted that fear is an emotion that is pervasive to the point of being contagious. When under the grip of fear, the person will be much more susceptible to be affected by whatever hold any seemingly dangerous connotation. Fear could be said to be a self-stroking emotion. That is, it will feed on itself to create an even greater fear.

How then can we best protect ourselves from this nefarious emotion? The answer to this question can be found by using a little logic. If fear is the product of a sense of inadequacy the antidote or solution would be more self-confidence.

A person with a high degree of self-confidence will only become fearful when facing real, eminent and immediate danger. Something that is a rather rare occurrence under normal conditions. With self-confidence, a person feels in control of most conditions therefore, there is no need or reason to be fearful.

So, if the remedy against fear is more self-confidence, the question that begs to be asked is, “How do we acquire more self-confidence?” Once again, logic gives us an answer to that question.

We are more confident when we feel that we have more resources and the only way that we can have more resource is by working on improving ourselves every day of our life. If we consciously work on improving ourselves everyday of our life, we cannot escape the feeling that we are getting smarter, stronger and better equipped to face life’s vagaries as time goes on. The result of which is more self-confidence and less fear.

That may be a long-term solution but it is a highly effective and lasting one against the specter of fear. For some, fear is a major problem affecting every day of their life. For others, it may be a periodic recurring but highly annoying state of affair. In either case, there is a bona fide solution to the problem. The solution is more self-confidence acquired through daily work on self-improvement. Not only is that the best solution, it is also the only effective solution.

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We love heroes. We love to see these people who are totally committed to a cause and who are willing to pay the price that it takes to win and achieve. We tend to believe that they are special; that they were born with special talents and the gift of greatness. Heroes are not born; they are made.

When we read the story of these so-called exceptional people, we find out that they are actually ordinary people with exceptional drive. Each and every one of them had an exceptional desire to achieve and to win. They had an unquenchable thirst to live their life to the fullest. That’s how they became what they are. Heroes.

How did that come about? What ignited that unstoppable need for achievement? The answer to that question is relatively simple. They too had their heroes. People that they admired and wanted to emulate and imitate. They too wanted the love and admiration that were given to those heroes.

They wanted that feeling of living life to the fullest; to be all that they could be. Not an unusual feeling but one that was coupled with an important catalyst that made all the difference in the world. They truly believed that if they worked hard enough they could achieve their goal. That made all the difference.

It is said that, certainty is the winner’s edge. Certainty is the spark that can turn the invisible into the visible and dream into reality. A sense of certainty is the key that will unlock and set free all of a person’s potential, motivation and determination. Nothing can stop a person who has a burning desire to achieve a specific goal and knows with certainty that the objective is within reach.

We were all born with the seed of greatness within us. We all have talents and abilities that could contribute to make this world a better place for all. This seed lies dormant, just waiting to be discovered, nurtured and exploited. It is there and we can find it if we believe that we can.

One of the reasons that this seed may be hard to find is the fact that it is buried under the debris of frustrations. At one time, we had dreams. We worked to make these dreams come true and failed. So we decided that it was futile to try. We had failed before and no doubts we would fail again. So, why risk another heartache? That’s a fatal mindset. It’s a dream killer and a life waster.

The game is not over until the final curtain falls. What we saw as past failures were actually experiences that we had to go through to prepare us for the ultimate sprint to the brass ring. No one ever makes it on the first try. Sometimes it takes five, ten and maybe more trial runs before we finally make it. Winning is not a matter of special talent or golden opportunities. It’s a matter of courage and perseverance.

Each of us was placed on Planet Earth for a unique and special reason. Deep down in our heart we know what that mission is. At one point in our life, we had a vision of what we could become and what we could achieve is we ever decided to be all that we could be. For many of us, that dream is still there and just begging to be rekindled and turned into reality.

It is never too late to choose the efforts of excellence over the pains of regret. It is never too late to finally decide to be all that we can be and become the hero that we were meant to be while keeping in mind that heroes don’t always win but they always give their best; that’s what makes them heroes.

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We need consistency to establish some certainty and order in our world. What we don’t need is rigid consistency where everything becomes so familiar and so automatic that we go through life half asleep, half hypnotized and simply reacting to outside stimulus or the time of day.

Consistency is a power tool and like powerful tool it can be used to enhance the quality of our life as it can be used to stifle it. When consistency is used with discernment, it can be most helpful however when it turns into rigidity, it becomes one of our worst nightmares.

Gerald Burrill said, “The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.” It could also be said that the difference between living and existing is awareness. Living is proactively interacting with a diversity of events and situations; it is seeking personal growth while chasing dreams, enjoying successes and learning from failure.

A Zombie’s existence where outside influences dictate the course of our responses and actions is not living; it is surviving. Going automatically through the same patterns over and over again half asleep is far from savoring the joys of living. It is simply a prelude to burial time.

The more refined a machine or a living being is, the more options it has. The dinosaurs, in term of machines or humans, had very few options. With growth come more refinements, which in turn provide greater flexibility. Flexibility then provides more options available to taste a larger spectrum of life’s experiences. Something that is rendered moot by rigid consistency.

The only constant in life is changes. Nothing stands still, nothing stands forever. As technology and the sciences advance at an ever-increasing rate, man needs to adapt or fall by the wayside. Consistency is getting to be more and more obsolete. Time marches on and so must we.

Even our core values and fundamental beliefs have to be questioned. Those are not dogmas fixed for eternity. What was true yesterday no longer stands. A new reality is being created every instant. To stand in, witness and participate in that ever-changing reality we must evolve, change and grow.

For many, changes are scary. This is especially true as people get older. Children love changes. They are always ready to experiment and try something new. It is said that getting old is a matter of rigidity; the ultimate rigidity being rigor mortis. So if consistency is on the way out and changes become the order of the day, we must rekindle that acceptance and love of changes that we had as children.

We still need consistency to establish some stability and certainty in our world and in our life. However that consistency will have to be dynamic and not static. As the Eagle can maintain consistency in flight and nature can have consistency in its eternal change, man has to find his consistency in his potential to adapt and change.

Just as a rock used to be a rock and a drop of water used to be water and now both are nothing but energy, man’s needed and wanted consistency is no longer stable and static but changing, flowing and adapting. There are no longer other realities – but this also will change.

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There is no such thing as a good or bad emotion. It always depends on how, where and when any particular emotion is used. In some cases, an emotion is a call for action. In some other cases, emotions serve to accomplish what otherwise could not be done.

Anger is such an emotion. Anger can get you in deep trouble and it can save your life. It can get you out of a slump as it can make you loose control and get you in more trouble that you ever thought possible. Taking control of our life means being able to control our emotions.

Tony Robbins tells us that the day that his life completely turned around was the day that he got angry and said to himself, “I’ve had it! I know I’m much more than I’m demonstrating mentally, emotionally, and physically in my life.”

He goes on to say, “I made a decision in that moment which was to alter my life forever. I decided to change virtually every aspect of my life. I decided I would never again settle for less than I could be.”

Those direct quotes from his book, Awaken the Giant Within, show a man who finally got angry and decided that this was the day that things would change. They were not the words of a man who was in the throes of apathy or someone who suddenly flew in a fit of anger. They were the words of a man who had reached the threshold of tolerance and who was ready to make a solid commitment to change his life around.

Could that commitment have been done without anger? Probably not. When the brain has been practically hypnotized in the same pattern of thinking for a long period of time, a strong pattern interrupt is needed to face another reality. A defeatist attitude will not change into optimism at the drop of a hat. Something drastic has to be done.

Emotions are essential for powerful actions. Well used, emotions shake the torpor, empower us, give us the courage and the adrenalin rush necessary to take big decisions and make commitments. They are the catalysts that will gel the resolves and set them off for free expression and actualization.

One of the most powerful emotions has to be anger. That is, controlled anger. The type of anger that makes it possible to burn the bridges and cutoff all possibility of retreat. The cold deliberate anger that shuts off all other emotions and directs all the focus on a very specific objective.

At that point, anger can become very liberating. Minor considerations are not longer an issue. Fear looses its grip and uncertainty vanishes. We are on a mission. Something needs to be done and will be done. If need be, walls will crumble, paths will be cleared and the objective will be reached.

Like any powerful resources, anger has to be used with care and discrimination. Just as a canon should not be used to kill a fly and a flamethrower used to light a campfire, anger should never be used where a little common sense would suffice.

Anger is a powerful tool and it is at our disposal when the situation warrants it. Otherwise, it should be left dormant in the toolbox – just in case it is ever absolutely needed.

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